http://champagnemartinis.podomatic.com/entry/2013-05-18T19_50_01-07_00
Molly & Katie (i.e. we) talk about dog proms, Jewish camps, Red Bull girls and Chinatown. Plus silly skits!
Listen please. Subscribe on iTunes. Teach me how to Dougie. And shut up, America.
Our first podcast is done and edited!
Now how do I make people listen to it?
Champagne Martinis with Molly Rosenberger & Katie Hughes
(A Sketch Based Podcast Coming Soon-ish)
Happiness Chinese Restaurant
(3313 S. Halsted St.)
The exterior is easy to miss as it is between two almost identical Chinese Restaurants.
The staff was very friendly. I was greeted with a smile and asked, “Will you be eating your feelings here or to go?”
The staff cares about personal customer service. There is one waitress for every patron. There are two waitresses!
Each entree comes with one hundred water refills. The meal is free if you can get through three consecutive sips without a top off. Good luck!
A sign in the window boasts “We have gift certificates! Appropriate for any occassion.”
So I exchanged my life savings for what will soon be our national currency.
Rating: 7 18 9 32 57
Connie’s
(2373 S. Archer Ave.)
Connie’s is the answer to the age old question, “What if a Pizza Hut and a warehouse had a baby, but the warehouse smoked during the pregnancy?”
If you’ve never been here’s a few tips to make your trip exactly like mine:
-Go with ten women and their children. Tell yourself it’s for the material, but you know you just want some lady pals.
-Have a fifteen minute conversation using only the phrase, “Are we all getting pizza?”
-Don’t say what you want until the waiter becomes weak and fatigued from asking, “Are you ready now?”
-Make a mental note to find out why it’s cute when kids say pasghetti, but when you order a giraffe of red wine you’ve had enough to drink.
-Have a lady stereotype-off when no one can figure out how to divide the check eleven ways.
“Connie’s,
You’ll come for the $10 pizza special.
You’ll stay until someone admits they ordered this fucking rib dinner! We agreed we’d all get pizza!
And you’ll leave because the manager is asking you nicely for the last time.”
Rating: 2 1/2 Xanax bars.
Fabulous Freddie’s Italian Eatery
(701 W. 31st St.)
The 1930’s architecture will have you reminisce, “Remember when this place that burned down last summer?”
The newly renovated interior will make you ask “Do you think Freddie torched this place for the money?”
And Freddie will make you say “I won’t tell nobody about the insurance fraud, Freddie, I swear!”
Upon entering Freddie’s for dinner, the lights are so bright it felt like I had stepped on a stage and was starring in my own one woman show entitled, “Too High To Stay, Too Many Cops to Leave.”
Alternate title: “They’ll Know!”
You can tell the cuisine is delectable because all of the employees are eating it behind the counter.
But the extensive menu makes it difficult to decide between a breaded steak sandwich with gravy, and a breaded steak sandwich with a lot of gravy.
I didn’t know this, but gravy means marinara sauce, if you’re an Italian redneck. So you can imagine my dismay upon realizing I had asked for extra gravy on my spaghetti.
(I almost ordered Freddie’s Famous Beef, but I get too nervous around celebrities.)
I also ordered the fancy Dinner Salad. When I saw the flair that the chef added by splaying slices of cucumber around the plate’s edge! I exclaimed, “Is this a salad or a rotary phone?” then slapped two cuke wafers on my face and declared it a spa day!
I topped off my meal with a traditional Italian-Egyptian fusion dessert, the cannoli pyramid.
Rating: 1 panic attack
If you’re like me, have you seen those lovely amalgams of chocolate and fruit known as Edible Arrangements? If you’re like me, have you seen the price tag!? That is a lofty dollar, right? You are like me! But lest you fret, I have made discoveries. You can make your own edible arrangements from…
Last week was the season premier of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice and what a hot mess it was. The two teams made meatballs for charity. They were led by an old stripper and an elderly cowboy. After two hours of people making the same joke about “balls” the Marlboro Man beat the Playboy…
Where can I buy a hippie stopper kit?
What were the other other words?
